he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
