when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
