I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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