If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
