You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
