Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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