I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
