I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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