This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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