She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
