You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
