Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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