You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
