how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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