So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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