It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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