I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
