Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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