connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
