No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
