I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Come see our sink grown plant.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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