I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
