yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it's like heaven, but drunker
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
