No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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