I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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