Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
