ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
