I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
