What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
