He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
