my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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