he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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