he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
