I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
