Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
