i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
True strength comes from lack of pants
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
