they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
