I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
