last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize