It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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