I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
