2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
