Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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