I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
