If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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