i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
