I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
