A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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