No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have demons in me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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