he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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