Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
