Michael Bay diarrhea
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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