i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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