stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
