The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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