Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize