quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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