i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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