Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize