nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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