I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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