She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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