He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
