ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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