1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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