Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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