the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
