I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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