i would punch a child for taco bell
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
