Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
