We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
