and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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