allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The best revenge is premature balding
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize