Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
