We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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