I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Operation Purity has been aborted
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
