Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
